My Cats Play D&D:
Inky is the Dungeon Master (DM). He passed away a year ago, but he still calls the shots. His motto is, "Why roll the dice when you can roll in the dice."
Spock plays a high elf mage. Even though he doesn't have any teeth, he is ultra-dignified. They made him party leader because he isn't afraid of the vacuum.
Conan plays a Drow assassin. All you see are two yellow eyes, and by then, it's too late.
Thufir plays a half-orc barbarian in a tuxedo. He claims it doesn't matter if he looks over the DM screen because barbarians can't read. Can rage in circles for 1000 rounds before fatigue sets in.
I have a transcript of their last game:
Inky the DM: Your human is putting a new plastic bag into the trash can. What do you do?
Conan the Assasin: I hide in shadows.
Thufir the Barbarian: I attack the bag!
Spock the Mage: This should be interesting. (Yawns and licks his paw)
Inky the DM: (makes a roll behind DM screen) Conan, you think you are hidden. Spock, you are holding action. Thufir, roll your attacks.
Thufir the Barbarian: Claw, claw, bite, rake. (makes a bunch of rolls)
Inky the DM: They all hit.
Thufir the Barbarian: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spock the Mage: Dude, it's a plastic bag.
Thufir the Barbarian: But I have the rend feat!
Conan the Assassin: (whispering from shadows) All cats have rend. Even toothless ones. (looks at Spock)
Spock the Mage: Bite me.
Conan the Assassin: (snickers)
Spock the Mage: Next time you take damage, I am not licking your wounds.
Conan the Assassin: Yeah right. You'll lick anything.
Thufir the Barbarian: (rolls more dice) I did 58 points of damage! YES!!!
Inky the DM: The bag dies.
Conan the Assassin: Sneak attack! (pounces on Thufir)
Spock the Mage: (pounces on what's left of the bag)
Inky the DM: Your human sighs and gets another bag. What do you do?
Spock the Mage: I'm out of spell points. We should rest.
Thufir the Barbarian: But you didn't do anything. How can you be out of spell points?
Spock the Mage: I kept casting identify on a spot on the ceiling until I ran out of spell points.
Conan the Assassin: Why?
Spock the Mage: I thought it was a bug.
Conan the Assassin: Bug! Where!
Thufir the Barbarian: I attack the new plastic bag!!!
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